Trigger

 Before you judge, understand because talk is cheap

Saw that on an old school/classmate’s formspring as a reply to someone.
  I just went through a rather insecure week and I am going to purge my mental thoughts out now.   
  I know I need to stop caring what people think and just focus on the people around me, who I can trust.However, I can’t help noticing that number has dwindled over time, because lately I feel like a lot of the people I know are either drifting or have already drifted. I feel like I can’t trust them to be there for me when I need them, so I pretty much just decided to let them head to whether they need to be.
But it certainly did suck when I heard someone from sec one, mutter something about me from behind. I’m really not that deaf and even if I’m a socially awkward goon, it doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings and I did feel unhappy.
  But I don’t think that was really half as bad as getting that sinking feeling in your stomach that a whole group of people, some of which were supposed to be your friends, talking about you as you walked past. I wasn’t close to any of them, okay friends at the most with one or two, but it felt horrible and then for what felt like the longest while, I kind of doubted whether or not, anyone really liked me. I always knew that I was weird and odd, but I thought it was an out of sight, out of mind thing. I was 100% certain I was invisible, and forgettable, and I was content with that.
  Because I never want to be someone who people tut at secretly, or someone who people take as a joke and a loser. And even though, popularity is the last thing I want and I know people at this age say dumb things, it feels awful when you’re at the butt of it.
  So anyway, after the incident, I started to wonder if I was that punching bag that people sniggered at secretly. Then I got into the panic attack a bit later, and I was pretty blue for a few days.

  I’m still blue now. Because even though I never trusted these people completely, it still hurt like hell. But at the end of the day, what they might have said doesn’t matter. I have the people I can trust and it doesn’t matter if I can count them on one hand. I know who’s there for me, and who loves me and I’m just going to do my best to stop judging other people and love who I have with me.

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